oh no ...

I've always been, as far as I am concerned at least, a regular pollyanna when it comes to a lot of things in life. I believe my dad called me the eternal dreamer / optimist. I guess I've always been taught to believe that people are innately good, decent human beings and that everyone strives to be the best that they can for themselves and for others.

Why then do people hurt each other? A friend, a lover, a colleague ... it doesn't matter. At some moment in time, instead of talking through it ... we, and this includes me, choose the easier path to damnation ... namely to shout, to intimidate, to threaten. I've discovered that I was actually nothing BUT a big bully a lot of times and used my intellect or age or expertise or size to get what I wanted from the 'younger / weaker' ones. Is this inbred in all of us by Nature? Survival of the strongest / fittest? Which would mean that I have been a subject of the same by others smarter / older / stronger / bigger than me?

I stopped believing in love. It's true. I just don't believe that something like love can exist in the face of such ... tyranny of our souls! I fear the bully monster in me. I've seen it in others and I would not want to subject another human being, one that I love no less, to that monster. I would not know what I would do if it ever gets out. Cowardice, I hear you say? Better a coward than an abuser yes? Yes, I have become what I never thought I would be. A cynic. A jaded, disenchanted cynic. Urgh.

*I really hope that this is just a funk I'm going through. :P

testing out Photoshop ...

... was doodling on Photoshop with the previous post, I love that font. Well, at any rate, found a site that is giving me a lot of tips to work on photos (especially my now defunct wedding photobook for my brother and sister-in-law due to not having high res photos from a photoshoot *hint* *hint*)I started practising my Photoshop skillz on ... so this is just a try out on a photo of me and my friend Rangwut from Thailand. Good time in USA Rangwut! Getting drunk and manning a speedboat ... erm ... not recommended if a competent sailor isn't on board. HA HA.

This is the original image. Ok right my work? :)

... who does?

Truly.

My guardian angel ...

The inspiration for my first ever tattoo, my paternal grandmother was truly the only grandmother that I ever knew and loved. Well, I still love her although she's earned her angel wings now. She's the coolest grandma EVER. I have 5 grandmothers (figure it out, it's messed up heheh) so I would know. She's cool, not manipulative, calm, collected. *sigh* I miss that smile of hers and her assuring presence. I am grateful that all I have left of her are her memories, stories and loving guidance bringing me up as well.

Get it on!

A sidebar for entertainment value here ... Durex has launched their "Get It On" campaign ... and I must say that this is by far the most hilarious video that they have. If you're in the office, turn DOWN the speaker volume yes? ;)

Updates start ...

Hi all!!!! :) I'm back home ... been back for 2 weeks ... so I'll be updating as much as I can ... so I'll start with the more erm ... 'painful' one for right now ... I finally got my moo-moo tattooed on me by Julian and it's amazing. He's one of the artists in Black Cat Tattoo Studio in Sunway Pyramid's Asian Avenue. Took about 6 hours, but I am psyched with the level of detail that he put into it ... it's healing now ... so I'm looking forward to a few more days for it to look still completely amazing ... so feast your eyes on one of my favorite animals ya? ;) Go this his site and check out all the other amazing tattoos that he's done so far! :) It's amazing and he's a great artist ...

I also took the opportunity to organize a Cowzens gathering since we were all at my Uncle's place for Chinese New Year and we all met at Fogal's in Plaza Damas. It was fun as we caught up with each other and see how we've each grown up. I can't believe that the youngest of us is now 18 years old!!! Good Lord am I OLD or what? Sheesh. My brother, sis-in-law and little sis couldn't make the occassion. :( So this picture is a little incomplete.